Contextualizing Context

Once again, I find myself stuck. (For readers that don’t know me well, I can be very indecisive, therefore creating my own dilemmas). I know what I’m doing but don’t really. I have the goal in my mind but have taken no steps towards it. At least I don’t think I have. Or maybe I have, but I just haven’t realized it.

I try to put everything into context but my academic, social and personal lives don’t agree with each other. Maybe I’m just lazy. Maybe I’m confused. Maybe I’m getting angry because I’m not getting what I want, but because I’m not working hard enough to get it, I am actually getting what I deserve.

Maybe trying to contextualize the different parts of my life into the context of the person I ultimately want to be, is driving me crazy. Maybe I’m scared that I’ll never achieve all that I want to. Maybe I don’t believe in myself enough. Or love myself enough.

Maybe I need a slap in the face. A huge confrontation with reality to give me non-whimsical, idealistic context to set my life in.

Maybe I just need to stop dreaming and wake up.