My beating heart was thankful
Yet shock’s power overcame
I gasped, small breaths
Like death, it felt the same

Just one step I wasn’t ready for
They’d all be left behind
In precious life, I’m ordinary
But theirs extraordinarily, mine

No way that I am done yet
I ponder why so close
A chance perhaps at faith again
Another glance at hope

That almost step, never erased
A lasting mark of fear
Reminding always of caution,
Of grace for being here

Inevitably pained, deep inside
Now with clarity, I see
In just one step, His chosen step
No knowing where I’ll be.

Having just watched the final ever episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, I am inspired more than ever to lead my best life.

Oprah’s love letter to her viewers, her heartfelt monologue, was an hour of empowerment for me.

I haven’t watched every episode nor ever had the privilege of being in the audience for one of her shows (even during her tour of Australia), yet every single year of my life, Oprah was there.

Now, myself at age 25, I have witnessed the end of an era where the daily dose of this wonderful woman will no longer be, leaving a hole in the universe of television. But because of all the good that Oprah has given, my heart, our hearts, will always be full.

This timeliness could be seen as coincidence, but I see it a sign. A sign that while the show has ended, my life has just begun; that it is my turn now to transform everything I have learned from Oprah into deeds, to service, to fulfill my calling and give to the world all that I am.

I have many dreams and perhaps almost as many obstacles. My life hasn’t been perfect and will never be, but the optimist I know deep down inside of myself believes that I will reach an ultimate happiness that will sustain me for the rest of my days. I have faith. Faith is a positive energy and it is that energy that drives action: the light we emit sparks light in others. Oprah taught me that.

Hers is a voice that people listen to. As she mentioned several times, it was her calling to be on that stage in a TV studio; through God’s grace did she never miss a single day to connect with her audience, those there with her and those millions around the world watching at home. She opened herself to us and her love we reciprocated.

I am thankful to God for sending Oprah to this earth. Through the adversity of this chaotic world, she saved as Christ saves, performing modern-day miracles that could only be the workings of He above. She was called to do so.

I hear my own calling every so often, admittedly I sometimes doubt it, but I know that I am being led somewhere. It seems it is taking me incredibly long to get where I’m meant to be, but I’m practising patience. I am also practising gratitude and as best I can, self-love.

As Oprah teaches, only you can complete yourself. Only you can change you. Via Glinda the Good Witch, Oprah says, “You’ve always had the power.”

I really thought I’d stand it
Being second to the best of me
But I can’t hold on a minute more
Repressing desires to be free

Life they say, it ebbs and flows
And worry makes it rough
But in the dark, there comes a time
You’ve had more than enough

Yet here I am, so helpless
There’s no way up or out
Prayer and wonder is all I have
To figure what life’s about

I can’t believe I’m still waiting
I quickly count the years
Asking only for a glint of hope
A light, a pathway near.

-Eira Joy Aringay

Okay, so this is probably me on a daily basis, always deep in thought and reflection, constantly retracing my actions and feelings had at particular moments; worrying about things I’ve said and done and the impact on others.

Still, time and maturity have done their wonders- it’s because of them that I can acknowledge my fears as they present themselves in various forms.

Back to the little challenges of the past week, I can happily say I am learning a great deal through the conquest of them. I’ve learned that people are indifferent to people who are different; that self-indulgence stems from self-emptiness; that insecurity breeds defensiveness and not to mention the thirst for attention.

Knowing and accepting the effects of these causes has helped me better understand the human psyche and therefore, helps me avoid (when possible) and live with such personalities who have the power to cause me misery should I allow them to.

Importantly, in overlooking these obstacles, I have realised a clearer picture of where I want to be in my life and how to get there. Each step isn’t set in stone but I am making several sign posts to help guide the way. And though it seems no one has mapped out this same path before me, I kind of like the feeling I’m going out there alone.

It’s a clean slate that way- no one to tell me how things are supposed to be done, no pressure to conform, no rules to tie me down. I could fail on my own, but I could also succeed on my own. It’s all uncharted and that’s the most exciting part.

As my sister told me, life is like a never-ending song. It continues with its ad-libs, oohs and aahs, though not always in key, but if you choose to make it so, an overall enjoyable progression of improvised melodies that you can share with others who want to sing along or care enough to listen.

Sara Bareilles’ latest record could not have been released at a better time. It’s crazy how much it speaks to me at this point in my life but it is this about music that makes me love it so. Kaleidoscope Heart, thank you.

Again also, I feel inclined to recount every single thing that has happened to me these past 6 months, but I won’t, for a small part of me fears having to focus on those moments of heartache and sorrow that sit in the dark corners of my mind every day.

Suffice to say however, I owe it to my blog (which has often been the reliable, non-interfering, non-judgmental friend in my life) to somehow keep it up-to-date with my latest wanderings.

Well, faithful friend, I have finally entered the world of corporate full-time employment with all of its energy-sapping mundaneness and superficial characters- a far cry from my spirited, carefree, youthful life where I answered to no one and did as I pleased, escaping responsibility with a guitar on my back and time on my hands.

Melodrama aside, it would be wrong for me to disregard the structure that is now a part of my daily routine- that alone is teaching me to survive in the realities of this world. Though I am a small fish in a big pond all over again, I’m finding my fins and learning to trust them. If Nemo could do it with only one fully-functioning one, then I can certainly do it with two.

I suppose I was compelled to write this post by a range of things, old friends, new friends, old me and new me. Though it is not so much me that has changed, but rather my perspective.

My burning desire to make my dreams tangible is still there though it wavers, the path to do so is just gaining clarity. People around me (the good and the bad) still affect how I understand myself, I just know how to filter out the bad a bit better.

If there is only one thing so difficult in this life, it is loving and accepting yourself. For me, it proves to be an ongoing struggle and I’m afraid sometimes that it will never be. “Nobody’s perfect” so the cliche goes, so why do we long for it in others and ourselves?

So today, at age 24 and eight months exactly, I look toward the future with the sun in the sky and a glass of water half-full in my grip. And now, since I’ve run out of horrible metaphors, it’s only fitting I sign off for the day.